Lily’s lungs were burning, her thighs and calves on fire. Her arms felt like they might give out any second, and Sky was growing more and more restless, whimpering and moaning, “I want Daddy. Please, let’s go home.”
But Lily kept moving. They ran past the playground where she had spent endless hours with Abby. The colorful swing set, monkey bars, and merry-go-round were abandoned and covered in snow. But Lily could almost see Abby beside her, identical twins, the two of them in their matching pink snowsuits, running hand in hand, so in sync they almost appeared to be one person. Abby. All these years Lily had never stopped missing Abby. Her twin sister.
During the day, Lily forced herself not to think about Abby. She had plenty to keep them occupied. They did their lesson plans and their chores, cleaning everything they could to try to keep out critters and bugs. They’d spent the end of each day prepping for Rick’s visits, never knowing when he’d arrive but knowing they had to be ready. Lily had to make sure they were properly dressed and in good spirits. It was only late at night, when Rick was gone, when Sky was asleep, that Lily allowed herself to think of Abby. Seeing the playground again, everything came rushing back. Her sister’s smile. Her laugh. The bond they shared. Abby was no longer just a memory that Lily conjured up to get her through one of those endless nights. Soon Abby would be real.
Lost in thought, Lily’s foot struck the edge of a rock and she stumbled forward. She caught Sky seconds before she hit the ground. They had been running for at least an hour, and Lily’s arms were on fire. But she had to be more careful.
“I’m sorry, Chicken. I’ve got you. I won’t let go.”
Sky clutched Lily’s neck even tighter. “Mommy, we’re gonna get into trouble. Please… let’s go back to Daddy Rick’s.”
Lily kissed her daughter’s forehead.
“Just be Mommy’s brave girl for a little bit longer.”
Lily turned the corner and saw the house—her house—at the end of the cul-de-sac. The sky blue shutters were faded with age. The old maple tree she’d spent hours lying under reading Harry Potter and To Kill a Mockingbird was gone. Snow covered the garden Dad had endlessly labored over in the spring, but otherwise, the house looked exactly as she’d left it. Eight years since she’d last seen her home, and it was as if no time had passed at all. Lily closed her eyes. She could almost hear the laughter of the neighborhood children. She remembered their endless snowball fights, the time Abby had helped her soundly defeat both their parents. She could picture herself lying on a blanket in the front yard with Wes, her first love, her only love, the summer sun beating down on them, his arm draped around her waist. She remembered him whispering, “I love you.” The first boy who’d ever said those words, a promise of so much more.
Lily stood in the middle of the road gazing at the house, when suddenly a car horn honked, startling her from her reverie.
She froze.
It was Rick. It had to be.
She thought about running, but her legs were finished. No chance they would hold up long enough to get away. Her throat tightened and tears welled up. If he were this close, escape was impossible.
Slowly, she turned, savoring her last few moments of
freedom. But all she saw was a gray-haired retiree, waving at her from the driver’s seat of his faded Toyota. Concern was etched on his face and she knew he must be wondering what they were doing, wearing such little clothing in these freezing temperatures.
“You okay, Miss? It’s awfully late and the little one looks cold.”
Lily tried to speak, but her voice failed her. She cleared her throat and tried again, forcing herself to sound calm and collected. “We’re fine, sir. Just going home.”
Before he could say anything else, Lily spun around and strode purposefully up the sidewalk as if she always walked around clad in her pajamas and blankets in the dead of winter. Go away, she thought. Leave us alone. A moment later, she heard the truck speed off. Lily put Sky down, then knelt beside her so they were eye to eye.
“I know you’re scared, Chicken. But I need you to be brave for a little bit longer. Okay?”
“Okay, Mommy,” Sky whispered softly.
Lily was constantly amazed by how sweet and obedient this child was. She hugged Sky tightly and stood up. Lily instinctively reached for the doorknob. She wanted the door to open. She wanted to be sixteen all over again, rushing in, sweaty and out of breath from her early-morning run. Abby would breeze past her, hollering, “Shotgun shower.” Lily would act annoyed, but secretly, she loved having one-on-one time with her father before he rushed off to the hospital for his morning rounds. But that was wishful thinking. In real life, the door was always locked.
Lily knocked softly at first. There was a chance her family didn’t even live here. They could have moved years ago, started over without her. Lily knew it was a possibility, but deep down, she didn’t think that would ever happen. If the situation were reversed, Lily would never leave their home, not without Abby. She continued knocking, harder and harder until her hands ached.
“Jesus Christ, hold your darn horses.”
The voice was so familiar that Lily’s tears began to fall instantly. A moment later the porch light flipped on and the door swung open. There was an endless pause as the older woman gaped at Lily. Mouth open, eyes wide, she was staring at Lily as if she were a ghost. Lily realized that until that very moment, that’s exactly what she was.
Crying was unacceptable. That’s what Rick always said. But in that moment, Lily forgot everything he’d beaten into her, all the lies he’d told her. In that moment, the broken girl in the basement ceased to exist. With tears streaming down her face, Lily thrust herself into her mother’s arms.
“Mom, it’s me. I’m home.”
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